Not so horrible
20 September 2007; Thursday

Last night, got caught for werking underage at the pub.
Worse, Uncle G. didnt help.. he denied everything and act innocent.
Middle of the night, my cousin bailed me out from the police station.
Back to school.. eveything went terribly wrong.
The OM came looking for me in class and told me to take off my hairbands.
I was shocked.. that was damn random!
So, you could just imagine my Pink brown gold blonde hair being exposed weirdly,
because I'm in uniform!
And he actually swore to throw my hairbands away if i wanna use them to cover my coloured hair. o__o
Making my way to the office, eveybody gave me that "WTF is this man!" written all over their face.
Funny, though, the principle came, and argued with the OM.
Dumb dumb!! Hahaa. Cause i did nothing wrong, I've tied my hair up and neat,
Unlike others whom let down their tinted hair and still get away with it.
Worse is that he made me walk to the office with my bright pink hair exposed to little kids!! Lmao!
After i was given the dumb permission to tie my hair up and make it look 'normal,
they came down to a more serious conversation, the incident bout last night.
You could expect what questions they were asking me, and some lecturing.
After that, they went to investigate my tattooes.. Got me freaking paranoid!!
Than went to dig out some of my past, those cases they left untouch..
Like, forgery, injuring some guys, and using vulgarities on teacher..
But damn.. that was like so long ago, some were even 2 years ago man!
Oh *F*!! I forgot its the new principle... she suck core.
Hopefully she's not gonna dig all these out and bring back "justice".
Went back to class after a session of councelling. But it was'nt over yet.
I think i owed the OM some shit in my past life and he is back to take revenge ('_')"
He stood infront and told the whole class that i am underage,
yet werking at a night pub, bringing disgrace to the school, nonsensical job,
Calling me an ah lian, no self respect, setting a bad example and bla bla bla
like.. damn.. he dont know a shit and he is humilating me.
I didnt mean to scream back at him and get violence with the stationery objects around me..
Oh well.. don't wanna mention bout the incident in class. :/
It was one crazy day in school, I've not behaved like this before..
I didnt expect myself to loose control infront of so many people.
Home.. was no where better. Grandma actually called me a prostitude and washed her hands off me.
This hurts the most. I dont mind wat the hell is going on in my life,
I dont care how people look and think of me..
All i did.. eveything i do, was for her! But even now,
she's turning her back on me... And calling me names, harsher than outsiders do.
I just feel.. a sharp ache in my heart.. but wunt blame her..
Cause she didnt uderstand.. Oh well.. Thats just the way it is. Live with it.
Everthing will be alright.. :)

Make my way to the skatepark in the afternoon,
and made a clean boneless180 down the library 3 sets :D
Not as empty as the pass few days.
Aite.. second day of 30minute boardsliding session. Lol.
This time managed to slide *twice* a teeny bit and bail.
And the stupid Farhan was freaking annoying, screaming at me randomly.

Home sweet home with a couple of bruise,
went to dye my pink hair black.. @_@ Dammy damn damn :S

And got Potatoe to help me post these cause i cnt login to Blogger again!!1 >.<
Thanks potatoe :D

-Btw.. Mine was'nt a fake smile. Yours was.


Something new?
19 September 2007; Wednesday

So this was the encouraging skating plan between Nano and me.
If i start learning and attempting boneless 180/ ollie down 5 sets,
He will learn to bordslide down the funbox by the ramps. :)
Anyway, went to learn boardslide today. Gaaah!!!
Freaking scray >.< I suck man!! Lols..
Fell a couple of time without even sliding!


Get over it :D
18 September 2007; Tuesday

So taufiq came, returned him his chain.
The usual screamings and a tiny bit of violence with pushing.
When the hell well this whole thing be over man? lols.
Got down to skating after the hmmm.. oh well. usual arguments.
Went home early and Nano came to know bout me having to werk at the Pub.
The un-serious him, just as expected,
ask silly questions like why didnt i wanna do bar-top dance all that to earn more.
Cheekily teased him back and played along.
When i was about to leave, He told me to take care, with a really sincere look.
I dont know why.. but i feel happy.. yet weird.
Not expecting the friends around me, people like nano to care..
Even though we were un-serious most of the time.
i mean.. do you get what i mean?? Haaa ^^

Happy

... =D
17 September 2007; Monday

6:24am .. zZzz Just got home from my workplace.
Really Happy Yesterday,
Potatoe and 'Ash dar dar got me two baby hamster :D
Unexpected suprise.. Tottally touched and speechless~~
This two naughty hams gonna be really precious to me, more than my board.
Cause.. its from Potatoe & Alice, Whom im closest to, and kinda knows me the best,
lots of love and concerns and and.. haiyuer.. dunnoe wat to say, so touched.. almost cried >.<
Inreturn, gave them a promise, to throw my blades and stop cutting myself ^^
Its a Promise :)

....I'm really speechless..! don't know what to say...
I Love you 'Ash!!! I Love you too Potatoe!!
More than just thanks... Ahhh!!! -
I LoVe you!!!!! Love love love You TWo sooo much!!! :'}

Night came. Back to the underground low-class werkiing life..
I dont like it at all.. but for money, for a living, for my grandma..
what other choice do i have? Being underage and tight fer cash :/
Haiz.. Can't fall now.. have to stay strong and go on...


Signing out..
Preparing fer school now..
*
*
*
*
*
*
Alice Dar Dar-
Oka oka.. i know u are kinda..'allergic' to emotional words..
But still.. thanks fer being by my side the past few months, through the up and downs
MAking me laugh always.. though we know for roughly 3 months..
WAIT!! 3 months!! Damn.. it felt like 3 years!!
Also... though you are *eh hem*..*small size*.. :x,
you're always there to protect me from jerks and bastards and Germs and Bacteria :p
And sorry that my weakness pull you down sometimes..
..I love you darling :]

&

Stupid Potatoe..
Ok la.. not so bad.. *for today only*

Sweetie Potatoe :p

*[Bang head on wall** Dunnoe what to say]*

Thanks fer..*haiyuer..paisae*
*--Eh hem-*



....... -_________-"


..Hao lah!!! @_@
Thanks for being so caring and concerned bout my life till now,
though you're my ex..lotsa memories.
If it happen to be other guys, they probably wud be laughin bout my pathetic life,
bringing myself down and all that stuff... They might not even give a damn bout me.
I know.. you are mr.nice guy.. always the sweetest.
But this time.. i feel so damned and guilty..
Thanks for everything poatatoe.... fer being there still, despite the past :'3

Simple

Simple
14 September 2007; Friday

Emo emo emo emo emo sucks! Haix.
Didnt slept at all last night.
Late morning, went to see Angeline and the rest cheer for the finals.
Walk home under the heavy rain.. Sweet :)
Went into a deep sleep when i got home.. woke up in the evening.
Headed to skate park to meet my hunnie buns Alice :D
Blue eye gave us backyard sticker.. YAY.. STICKERS!!
Hmm.. then went LJS with Alice, Potatoe and Errol.
laughing all the way... lalala.. Dont know why also -_-
Poor Potatoe.. kena hit by me so many times today.. HEhehe
Poor Errol, kena bullied by Alice and me.. MUAHAHA
Nothing much.. feeling much better today :)

....

.....
13 September 2007; Thursday

Felt like lying dead on muh bed..with nothing in my mind at all..
With music blasting from da radio.. Rowking sweet nothings.

Didnt want to meet TaufiQ.. but he's already under my void deck.
I was ignoring his existance, and sms my darling panty Alice.
Once and for more, wanna end everything today!
But he got..kinda touchy even though we are over.
Kick him hard and he pinched me reeaaall Hard!
Got fustrated and ticked him off !@#$%
He pushed me hard fer several times, i bite his fingers
and he pushed me again. Gay.
Ended up argueing.. and called me a crazy bitch..
When i admited "Yeah.. i am, so what?" in a bitchy tone..
He gave me a slap...
Silence. I broke the necklace he gave me.
He replaced the broken neaklace with his, and apologised. Drama!
Like i said.. nothing new. And.. he is nothing new either..
Though its the first tyme being hit by a guy.
Didnt speak all the way till nearing adventure park..
Told him im looking fer alice..
all he said was "u changed"
And all i replied was : Than just F*** off.
So we headed in different direction, from the place we first met.
Hope it will be the last tyme im seeing him.


At night.. he msg me telling his going to malaysia bout some Phantom conflicts.
Cool. IIts just another obvious lie. The real shit is.. He wanna MIA from me..
And make me think he got beaten up or killed in the fight over there.
The end? I hope so.

Midnight.. Crying again. So not cool.
I hate to cry.. without a reason.
Im weird.. why am i crying?
i dont know.
Been so many nights and weeks..
When will these stop?

Pathetic

Pathetic
12 September 2007; Wednesday

Got myself drunk last night in my room.
Came down with a slight fever and headache today.
Theres just too many things going on in my life
All the harsh Ups and Downs.
Its not that my life is pathetic..
Its me who is really pathetic!!
I cant hadle anything.. im like.. out of control..
Its driving me crazy.. Thats how Pathetic i am!!
A no life shit.. Gahhh!!!
Been like this for several days..
And i dont even know why the hell i ended up like this.
I suck!

bdae

Happy Birthday Potatoe!

Emptiness

Emptiness
11 september 2007; Tuesday

Didnt went to school today.
Been in my room since morning till now.
I feel.. so... empty inside.
Life seems to be in a mess.
I never had a mum.
Dad seems like a stranger now.
Taufiq kept bothering me.
My past kept haunting..
Theres' too many stuff going on..
So hard to let go.. I dont know.

All i kept.. was memories..
Seeing.. them, makes me.. smile :)

Click.. if u are not blood sensitive.
**My Bloody Site <- Click?

Nothing Goes Right

Nothing goes Right
10 september 2007; Monday

Today was horible.
Zulaiman tricked me to sniff perfume which turns out to be "Laughin Gas".;
Flying Chairs and Tables after school
I twist my ankle again, during dance practice;
Cant join the rest for this friday finals.. which ive been contributing for 2 years..
And its also one of my dream and passion :(
I.. saw him making out with a girl;
So dumb to actually belive he's trying his best to change.
So retarded to cry over that inccident.
Went for Extreme Re-tox at LJS;
Who cares bout being fat? Not gonna cheerlead anyway.
Cried my heart out while eating. so dumb..so dumb.. im dumb.
Lost my new mp3 i just bought today. O__O
Took off my bandage..
My feet is multi coloured with green black purple and red.Wow.
Went to see doc again... Haix.


Last night.. was... Happy? weird? ...very? -___-
Potatoe said sorry fer being mean...
And i was like.. errr.. wat to say? speechless.. :x


Ard 2am in da middle of da night.. Leon called me..
Look outside my carpark window.. saw Meow meow and Leon on orange bike.
Crazy.. i went back to sleep. Lols XD

Killer Pain

Killer Pain
9 September; Sunday

My ankle was swelling badly, couldnt rotate my feet nor jiggle my toes.
Around 3am.. got worst.. The pain slowy went up my thighs, than my spine.
Grrr.. crept annoying slowly to the toilet, moaning loudly with tears.
My maid jerk a little from her bed, and pretended to sleep o_o
The second time i went to the toilet.. i was giggling and laughin.
Kinda freaked her out.. (7 month stuff) Lols XD
I was laughin, because i find myself retarded, crying over a sprained ankle.
The pain cant be compared with the last few injuries i got..
But this tiny sprained ankle kinda getting serious.. :[
Fell asleep 7am in the morning.
Halfway through my snores, my grandma sneaked into my bed room,
'investigating my foot. My first reaction was spring up from bed and scream loudly.
Damn!! just imagine u wake up and suddenly, an old lady from nowhere is holding your feet!!!
My grandma sceamt too.. and shout..: SIAO AHH!!! ..aka... [crazy ah?]
Thinkin back was hilarious .Lols
Wanted to go tampinese get some stuff for birthday boi..
But..damn.. cant get out from bed :[
Late noon, Taufiq barged into my room.. i was tottally shocked .. and.. unexpected!? O_O
I was like.. in Pyjamas.. half asleep!!!!
He got me a super big zero jacket and carried me out from home and brought me to the doc.
And i didnt know my ah ma actually spoke to him last night and he had the permision. WTH!!!
She knows i dont like him!!! Dunnoe wat da hell is going on man!
Than the doc bla bla bla.. say i cant skate for atleast 2 months :S
Fine!! im still gonna skate after i get better. Haiyuer!
Went to catch a movie, had our dinner, headed to the skatepark.
Damn retarded!! He was carrying me all the way.. and i've got no mood at all!
Its not ROMANTIC ok.. its tottally Fucked up!!!
On da way home, force myself to get off from his arms,
Twist my ankle and fell.. DAMN DAMN DAMN!! Hurts!!!
Ticked him off.. didnt want him to touch me.. crept home slowly.
Finally im home sweet home. didnt talk to my ah ma.
Still pissed about wat happen in the afternoon :(

Emoes

Emoes?
8 september 07; Saturday

Chatted with Kiane Pootie till 5am O_O
Than got to know he is one jackass .. and WEIRDO
He also shared his skateboarding history. Inspired me alot :D
He is really nice though. Haax. Just a lil too cheeky ~_~

Lazy afternoon, went to skate.
My Honey panty Alice came. She was damn damn emo!!
Some sort of Depression that guys will never understand.
Its a kind of feeling when.. You aint troubled by anything..
Yet you feel so lost.. and think life is meaningless.
Sucide is always the first thought.
Dun ask why we girls are weird... i dont know the answer.
Just like.. why Guys needs to masturbate almost everyday? why?
So yeah.. dun ask why ;)

Got down to skate.. feeling uncomfortable. Alice voice is missing..
She would usually be blabbering, asking me to try this, try that...
encouraging me to skate and improve in my skills.
Kinda queit.. plus the emo atmospher in da park..equals to.. dead mood to skate.
Ok lah.. im not That emo okay!! I'm still trying to ollie higher down the stage,
and constant my boneless 180s. but tottally ruined!
Rez and me got off the stage together. I was doing a "boned - boneless"
Something like bone ollie.. but old school type. Ok.. its all crap..
its an Accident you dumb dumb!
So i landed on my left foot, twisted 180, with a 360 degree crackin noise.
And i thought i'm gonna die >.<
Alice darling nursed me with lots of love and swetness.
But fierce.. she kept forcing me to put ice..
and i was like.. HELL NO!!!
Chill a little. Alice started shouting at Spiderpig aka Kajua aka Luke.
wooh!! Thats so her!
Anyway, Taufiq was sitting near-by, but he used Sms to communicate.
He told me he was afraid of Alice.. WTH -___-
After chilling awhile, Alice left.. and i know she's not gonna be alright :/

...Taufiq kept requesting for a dinner.
Haiya.. he came all the way from sembawang.. busted him yesterday..
so.. should'nt be soo bad to him today. His still my ex lover afterall.


Hunnie buns Panty Alice.. I love you :D

Bastard

Bastard
5 september 07; Wednesday

Taufiq is trying too hard to get my attention..
Motor accident? Heart disease? Fights? Cuts?
How many more lies and stories do you wanna edit?
Does it make you happy when i feel guilty and paranoid bout you?
Caring and being by your side out of sympathy.. but without love?

Im sick of you pretending to be good to muh friends..
Making them think you are a 'nice dude'.. and wunt do such a thing on me.
My image gone slut bacause of your bastard lies and sympathetic stories you've made up.
Go get a life and stop acting like an emotional loving baby.
Stop making me confused!!! Just.. FUCK OFF!!!
and leave me alone!!!

Happy One Month Of Agony

Happy one month of Agony
1 september 2007; Saturday

He left a teddy bear at my doorstep. I dont know wat was his intentions.
We already broke up, but he is still bothering me with Gifts and sweet words.
Went looking all over for him feeling so confused.
Oh well.. its just a big bear.. from that jerk, so what to do with tat piece of shit? Skate obstacle!
Threw it on the floor, ollied and boneless over it. Some others joined in.
Than Saiful took the bear and threw it on top of da roof.
I went totally blank.. okayyy... Its gone for real now.
Wanted to forget bout everything and skate, but i cant stop my tears from falling.
Didnt want to cry infront of so many ppl. Ran out and went to some void decks to cool down.
Than some rollerbladding kids came over to comfort me.
They kept asking why.. and i told them a Big brother lied to me.
Little Girl: Nevermind.. i ask my mumy to scold him!
Tottally awwwwed.... They are so young, naive, innocent and sweet.
Made my way back to skatepark, saw alice looking for me. Oops =X
Didnt realise Taufiq was at the park all along, at the far end corner.
Approached him, and he ran away. Chased after him. Damn retarded.
We played hide and seek for a couple of hours before i gave up.
BAck to the park, trying hard to get back the teddy bear.
Hamtie: Its just a bear afterall
Blandon: To you may be nothing. To him its something.
Hamtie: If its nth to me, why would i try so hard to get the bear back?
Blandon took the bear and skate off. Chased after him.
After Brian and Blandon left Taifiq and me alone.. finally got to talk face to face after one week.
His sweet talks doesnt work.. but his tears makes me melt.
Even though i felt so weak, i forced myself to be harsh. I just had to let go.
Thrash out all the bastard stuff he did... and said
- I dont love you anymore
He cried again.. and i dont know what to do.
He asked if i had a new guy. Thinkin now's the only chance to make him let go,
I told him i like Brian alot.. Before, during, and after our relationship.
At the point.. he broke down again. So after all the up and downs,
I was the one who end up crying bitterly while he was trying to console me -.-
So we made a promise. He promise to leave, and i promise to keep the bear.

Its over. Yeah... Over...
3 years of cyber stuff. 1 month of Reality.

Anyway.. Sorry Brian. For using you as a lie. Hope you understand :S


Damn... I cried so loudly infront of so many people today >_<

Guy Behind the Mask

Guy behind the Mask
31 August 2007; Friday

After cheerleading, went tamp to browse around for Brians' Bdae present,
and get some knives blades and razor at the same time.
At the piercing gallery, caught sight of a navel stud.. Love at first sight.
Could'nt resist, bought it for 38 buck >_<
Went to skate as the usual friday.
Kien and his jackass friends came.. They stripped themselve naked in the middle of the park,
skate and do video. DAMN!!
Alice went: SMALL and i Went: TINY!!!
F*CK... we lost our virgin of dick sighting!!!!
Those strippers shows no respect to Girls and themself. Attention seekers, F*cking disgusting. Reatards.
Niwae.. Kiens' rather a nice guy. Haaa
And luke is really sweet to alice XD


30 August 2007; Thursday

DAMN!!! I'm so awake right now!! I've seen through everything!
Can't belive Ah Paii is that kind of guy :(

We fell out last night, but this morning he still call me Baby, honey and all that, eew.
Didnt reply a single msg since last night after the breakup.
But in class.. still feeling down, looking at our pictures, readin his messages, deleting them one by one
Thinking back how we used to be.. where we first met.. the sweet things we did, promises we made. Memories.
I cant explain this feeling... its weird. I wanna forgive him, but that would make things worse.
Since im freed ... i should'nt go back anymore. But i kept looking back, asif i left somthing behind.
Indeed.. i left one last thing. Knowing the True Him.

He told Nadra that i begged him for sex.. He didnt want to,
but he did it just to make me happy.........!!!
Jerk!! And fu*k... Damn bustard! Tottally disgusted =(

He Said: I wanted to have sex and i beg him for it.
The Truth: He wanted to have sex and force me for it !!!!

He Said: He kissed my neck, i got high. Being responsible, he stopped. He dunwan to do the 'wrong' thing.
The Truth: He was all over me, forcing to take off my clothes. He stopped when i got frightened and started to cry.

Trying too hard make me sound like some slut desperate for sex.. Damn Fu*king bastard.

Forgive.. but will never forget.

* I was blind and dumb for 3 years, having a crush on a cyber skaterboi
* And for three years, he have been lying and lying. About his past, his life, and himself.
* 1 August 07, when i was in my weakest.. and have no one by my side. He picked me up.
* We became cyber stuff to reality
* 1 week of sweetness and honeymoon.
* On our second date, he argued, scolded, humilated and screamt at me, outside cineleisure.
* I didnt walk away.. because he didnt walk away when i needed someone. Tat was a big mistake.
* On our third date,his friend suggest Gangbang.
* He told me he fell out with his friend. But i dont know what were the conversation they really had.
* On our forth date... He tried to force a sex.
* Lost faith, lost trust.. guys are all the same.
* The day after we broke up, he went ard tellin ppl it was me who begged him fer sex.
* He kept pesperin me. He is psycho.. crazy.. i dunnoe.
* But one thing i know. I dont love you anymore. =)

Thanks nadra... I could have foolishly forgave him thinkin he really LOVE me..
Love is seriusly.. tottally.. fucking blind.
And i cant figure out why the hell would i ever be so dumb and naive.. damn. so not me.

The Sucide

29 august 2007; Wednesday

Grandma came into my room, waking me up for school.
She sreamt when she saw blood all over my bed and wall,
with razor blades all over the floor.
I was too weak to say - Dun worry, im ok.
She was crying and holding me tight, until the ambulance came.
I'm use to blood, leakin out from my cuts.
Just that this time was a little more deeper and bloodish.
Force myself back to school after the nurse got my cuts cleaned.
Teachers councelled me, principle assign me to see a shrink.
After school, when Mr Nison and Mr tan walked pass me,
Mr Tan whispered: ..Ham changed so much
I dunnoe what that means. But its bothering me.
Ah paii keep wanting to see me. While i ignored.
And theres a list of 80 - 100 miss calls.
Chill with nadra at the playground. Lotsa stuff going on.
Its always hard to let go, if u ever fell inlove with tat someone.
Hmm...Have to keep reminding and forcing myself to face up to reality,
Dun be too indulge with all the sweet words.. and lie to myself tat he is mr nice MAT.

Got home, Grandma brewed some weird chinese medicine. DANG!!
Felt weak and tired.. but didnt want to lock myself in the room and start being emo-natic.
Took my deck, went off to skate park to meet Panty.
She always have her weirdest way to make me laugh... :D

Life Of Ours

In our Skateboarding Life
9 August 2007; Thursday

Skated at Somerset and youth park today.
It was a warm and lazy afternoon,
Alice, Jave and me were just cruising and chilling around with our skateboard.
We decided to change our skating spot, cause we did'nt want to get into the other skaters' way.
Headed to the back of the ramp, giggling and chatting away..
Pulling off all sorts of lazy tricks without effort.
Then a group of foreign Skaters came by.
They actually looked down on us and gave sarcastic remarks.
We can't do anything, we got no big tricks to show off either, all we could do is swallow up such a disgraceful remark.
But, funny to say, those guys whom looked down on us was'nt that good in their skates either.
Jave did her No Comply 180, b/s shove, some old school 360s' and nosemanual to shove out,
While i did my fak Finger-flip, bone-less 180, manual to shove, pop shove and some silly grabs.
Just enough to impress the Big Ego Skaters with a Big O on their face -(as alice mentioned) *a secret evil smile* ;]
Of course we girls didnt walk away with a snub proud bitchy face..
We *acted friendly with a wide smile and headed off to Youth park, back to our lazy afternoon attitude.

Night came, and the sounds of Fireworks started to blast..
All the skaters look up the sky, hoping to see some fiery flowers..
But all we could see were the flashes. Everything fade and calmed after several minutes.
While Alice and me were chatting, Cody dropped by..
Started with a tiny conversation, ended with a Devasting Love Story and i almost cried.
Alice patted me on my knees with that 'Oh.. its your turn soon'. (jk)
Well.. Somehow.. friendship last longer than Love.
And whenever we are lost, angry, fustrated and don't know what to do..
Just pick our skateboard and ...let go.
Cody borrowed my board and played s-k-a-t-e with his friends..
His smile came back.
He fell a couple of times..
Alice and me faced each other and started to whisper out,
'In skateboarding.. we fall'
Cody stood up.. and continued the game
'Stand up again... learn from our mistakes.. and never give up'
*smiles* .. Thats life